Sacrifice

Last night I had an interesting and sad dream. There was a boy my age who was going to be executed because of something his parents did (Obviously my subconscious does not abide by the United States government) unless I stepped in and offered my own life for the life of this stranger. I asked someone if it were possible for me to take his place. The answer was that it was. I had just opened my mouth to say I would take his place, when I realized I just couldn't do it. I walked away and let him get killed. It was such a relief to wake up and realized I hadn't been responsible for a innocent person's life. 

But a sickness crept into my stomach as I realized I hadn't wanted to sacrifice my life for his because he would live. It was the image in my mind of god clapping me on the back and saying "Job well done", or something along those lines. And the last few minutes of my dream were me hanging out with friends while being scared out of my wits of what my afterlife would be like when I did die, basically exactly what was described in Dante`'s Inferno.

What scares me most is not that I would willingly give up a persons life just so I could live. It is that the only reason I would sacrifice my life just to get into heaven. That is the same logic that the suicide bombers used (That they would be in paradise as soon as they crashed into the twin towers), and it is disturbing that I would use it in  my own mind.

That is what made Jesus' sacrifice so incredible. He was not doing it for a better afterlife or to save his kids or his wife (Though it would still be noble if he did it for the last two). He did it because, well, I don't know exactly. The response "To save us from our sins" seems to lack any detail, and everyone I ask gives different answers. But he did it for no personal gain or love towards an individual. he did it out of love towards everybody, that much is clear. And who knows, maybe my dream is trying to tell me something, so I had to take the actions I did.